Chelsea's Crazy Universe

MY FIRST YEAR AT REVOLT - by Chelsea Bauer

When told I was expected to wear jeans, a t-shirt, and whatever else I might wear on a normal day to my first interview, I knew this was the place for me. What I didn’t know was how all the crazy antics, insane employees, and very “special” customer service techniques would actually change my entire life.

Withstanding the first phone interview with Aaron was awkwardly difficult. I hung up the phone (an hour later) knowing just about everything about him, and the company. Or so I thought. Soon enough, we grew closer and developed a bond like a father and daughter would. A bond strong enough that I often suspect my mother may have came to L.A. and cheated on my father with some punk Russian in the 80s. I think the most defining moment between us was a party night at his house. Sitting on a dog bed, in front of the speakers, he had a harmonica, I had myself, and somehow we ended up doing a duet to “Happiness is a warm gun” by The Beatles. Now thinking of it, music is the glue to this whole crazy family we have built.

Marie’s interpretation of music must be one of the greatest things know to the universe. It’s a real shame Canada let her leave; they could have another high grossing musician like Celine Dion. Accent and all, Marie has an uncanny ability to add a very “powerful” vibrato to any song she sings. Also adding a whole ‘nother octave to whatever piece she is singing. Then, when you bring her amazing dancing skills into the equation, you are headed for pure bliss.

Out of all the characters here, Gerry seems to be the most “normal”. In a world of psychotic clowns, he is like a big bar of Xanax covered in Prozac sprinkles. No matter how you are feeling, if Gerry laughs, everything is okay. He has assumed the big brother role around the office, and will always help you no matter what it takes, even if it means driving a car full of people up to the mountains, in traffic, with me being one of the occupants.

Cristina is best known for her gigantic fear of bees. This fear seemed to take a backseat while she was in the front seat on a scenic drive to get brunch. I drove into what appeared to be a huge dust cloud, spanning the entire width of Sunset Blvd. Once closer, I started screaming. The kind I only do when joking. As she laughed, I laughed inside my head because the one thing she didn’t know was the dust cloud was actually a biblical plague style swarm of bees. For a good 5 seconds, there were constant DINKS, PLINKS, and POWS! Once through, I yelled, “That was bees!” When turning back to see the swarm, she noticed there was one in the car. With all the fury that my 4 cylinder Honda could provide, we jetted across the 3 lanes to the side of the road, where we then spent a half hour trying to coax this bee out of my car. Then I collected his brothers from my dash, windshield, grill, wiper blades, hood…

When clients turn to co-workers, it’s great. I first saw Jeremy when I was coming back from a delivery. He was wearing an American Nightmare hoodie (If you don’t know who this is, they are a band that will probably hurt your ears). DUDE, That right there won major points. One night, Jeremy in his American Nightmare hoodie, and myself in my BANE hoodie, had Cristina as company out for a night of star fish hunting. We car moshed as we drove to Malibu, probably making Cristina insane. We scoured the rocks, but an hour later, I accepted the fact that star fish probably hated people who moshed in cars, and wanted to have no part in that. Empty handed we headed back home.

Going home actually feels more like a job than coming into the office. These freaks I work with have become a huge support system for me, and the best family I have ever had. Our clients have also become awesome friends of mine. It’s so nice to be excited to answer the phone, especially when I know the customer on the other end of the phone will feel the exact same way this place makes me feel. In a world where a LOT of people are out for themselves, this place has taught me to put that notion aside, and open myself for happiness. It has obviously taught me to be quite cheesy as well. One year past, another coming quick, if “Every day is a Friday”, this year will bring me 240 days of fucking radness!!!!!!!!

Booyah! Didn’t think I’d make it, bitches!